Twilight
Gonna be honest, I didn't mind this one too much. I've actually seen a few other films from director Catherine Hardwicke, including The Nativity Story and Red Riding Hood. That latter one I really liked, as it was going for a full on old school Hammer pastiche, embracing the lush, camp elements of the story, and that worked brilliantly. Seriously, go see that one, it has Gary Oldman trying to out Vincent Price Vincent Price, it's kind of amazing. (Also, it has a way better CGI werewoof than the ones I'll be discussing in a minute). Twilight does feel like Catherine Hardwicke in that same mode, keeping close to the story, but knowingly playing up the more silly aspects, rightly identifying that such a route is the only way to make material like this work. It's most visible in the very Buffy style high-school scenes (which is probably where screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg shows her hand the most), the entrance of the fashion model looking villains, and in the bit where a family of vampires play baseball so hard, the hits of the bat is like the sound of thunder. Yes, really. Most of the actors seem so much livelier in here than they later would; Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson actually crack some genuine smiles in here. Now there are issues, like the weird pacing, the mad introduction of other plot elements (I don't think the films really explain how the Cullens are able to afford all the trips we take over the course of the franchise), and we see the first signs of the awkward subtext in here, with Edward refusing to turn Bella yet. But on it's own, if it was just this film, I'd classify this as just "harmless"... OK, mostly harmless.
New Moon
And here is where the rot sets in. There's a new director, Chris Weitz, who had previously not good success in young adult novel adaptation with mangling of Northern Lights into The Golden Compass. TBH though, I think he was bought in as someone who wouldn't raise too much fuss if there was some executive meddling, and if Stephanie Meyer put her foot down about more things. Now it's mentioned that Hardwicke may have been (but not confirmed to have been) actively fired from the series, perhaps because of her attempt to bring a somewhat more camp, less serious style to the material. Key evidence here is that this film is far more serious in tone, to the point that a clear comic relief scene (the bit in the cinema) falls utterly flat. Seriously, the opening title takes an uncomfortably long time; it takes a full forty seconds for the words New Moon to be revealed, I timed it and felt every second! So this one ends up feeling very boring, which means that now the really problematic stuff in the story is very noticeable, like the fact that Bella & Edward's relationship is awful, both using some major emotional blackmail on each other. Seriously, any relationship where either side is using a threat of suicide to keep it together is deeply unhealthy, and both of them do that in here! First film Bella seemed to have a brain in her head, had her own personality, but now she entirely defines herself by her relationship to the men in her life, she literally claims to have nothing beyond them, which is bullshit, she has a whole circle of friends and a Moustache Dad that want to help her, but she shuts them down. It's almost a running gag that in this literally every single other character expresses concern for her Moustache Dad (who is a very good person), and what her actions may do to him, except her! What's more, she works out Edward's vampirism pretty quickly first film, but here it takes an embarrassing amount of time to figure out Jacob's a woofman, when last film he might as well have been wearing a top that said "I became a lycanthrope, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt". Final nail in the coffin is the pacing; after an hour and a half moping around forks, we have to dash to Italy (there because really forced Romeo & Juliet analogy) to save Edward from himself, a mission that takes about five minutes screentime, and then it's half an hour for an extended epilogue that's entirely setting up the rest of the series. Although that last bit does have a saving grace; Michael Sheen has clearly decided to ignore the edict to tone down the camp, and is just having a ball as main villain Aro. I think with a lot of the criticisms of The Twilight Saga, a lot of the ammo for it comes from this film in particular; this is where the ridiculously extended shirtless buff dudes shots get started for one. Note that the beefcake factor, an attempt to pander to a female gaze (nothing against that in theory from me though, it's the execution that's the issue), gets started with the first of the films directed by a man. Funny that.
Eclipse
You know, I did a bit of research on the series, and apparently books two and three weren't in Stephanie Meyer's original plan, it was originally going straight into the events of Breaking Dawn, which would make a lot of sense. That is so telling, as both this and New Moon are just exercises in stretching out the runtime. Let's face it, the main arc of this film is Edward's proposal (which again fits in the whole abstinence before marriage subtext... wait, can it be subtext if that's literally happening in the story too?), so in the end it's two hours of wasting time waiting for Bella to say "Yes". I really don't get why we got the whole Team Edward or Team Jacob thing as both are controlling, manipulative dicks, though in different ways. It's often been a pet hate of mine of having a male character, after a female says clearly what they want, for them to go "no, I know what you really want", and that basically is Jacob's entire character. Mind, the whole drama of the Love Triangle peters out entire by the end too, as both of them are just so super into Bella they work it out amicably themselves... mostly. Bella as a character has degenerated even further, there's only one point where she actually does something to help the situation she's in, and it's, I am not exaggerating, an act of self harm to help the male characters out. Yeah, this is just dire, with the only moments where it comes alive are when we get some (really awkwardly forced in) character backstories, and a few directorial flourishes. The director, David Slade, had previously done the more traditional vampire film 30 Days of Night, and there are bits where it's clear he really wants to do something more like that; I can imagine him just going to the producers "look, can I just have a bit more blood here?" at points. He's done some good TV work since, including Bandersnatch, and the much underrated Black Mirror episode Metalhead. Seriously, why doesn't that episode get more love? I want to do a whole blog about that now, but two more Twilights first.
Breaking Dawn Part 1
Ah, the book that broke the fandom in twain, it makes sense for the plot to be similar divided between films. There are two main reasons why the book is derided; the most problematic material in Twilight yet, and a complete anti-climax, so this film gets that first part. The whole pregnancy angle, with a blatant pro-life message, is messed up in multiple ways, from conception (I wonder if Meyer ever read Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex?) to birth (Robert Pattinson himself has asked major questions about the... mechanics of Edward's caesarean method). For me, one of the most alarming things about it though is the fact that this seems to be one of the few times in the whole damn series that Bella actually seems to be in real jeopardy, and it's a direct result of her having sex. No, scratch that, a consequence of her enjoying sex. Yeah. Also, we have to address the whole imprinting thing; we have a grown man essentially fall in love with a baby. Now the film does make very clear, pretty much yelling at the audience "it's strictly platonic, it's definitely not romantic!", but a) the whole thing is spectacularly unnecessary, as it just wraps up Jacob's triangle in a stupid way, and b), you should never, ever need to get into a position where an explanation like that would be necessary! In the end though, remarkably I had a better time with this one than the last two, partially because there's a lot more plot in here (which, given that it's only based on half a novel really is damning for how unnecessary the last two really were), partially because of a step towards horror territory (including some bookending scenes with the Volturi; yay, more Michael Sheen!), but mainly because the goofiness is creeping back in. It's much more unintentional than the first film's camp (director Bill Condon, as this and Beauty and the Beast showed, is really not cut out for big blockbusters), but there are some gloriously stupid things in here. For example, there's a big scene where Jacob decides to turn against the rest of his werewoof pack, which would a great dramatic centrepiece... but the film makes it ridiculous by having all of them in lupine form, so it's just the awful CGI woofles snarling at each other, with the actor's voices dubbed on. Oh poor Taylor Lautner; there's having to go through that stupid imprinting business, and then there's that!
Breaking Dawn Part 2
This one actually has the main thing that qualifies The Twilight Saga for its place in a horror marathon; the nightmare from the depths of the Uncanny Valley that is CGI baby Renesmee! I was literally so creeped out every time that... thing appeared on screen, no kidding! What's more, it was almost far worse! Why go through all of that bother, when they could have just had a normal baby on set? Seriously, just a normal baby, shoot lots of footage, use the best shots, and maybe do some colour correction to make them look paler, that's it. Questions of "why" run through a lot of this thing. This one has the final showdown with the Volturi, so the Cullens get together a whole bunch of vampires from all over the world, all of whom seem like far more interesting characters then our leads, many of them get good actors playing them, yet most get nothing to do, so what's the point? What's more, at least a few of them aren't shown to be "vegetarians" like the Cullens, Lee Pace's character for one is shown to still hunt humans; why is that pretty major difference in morality never really an issue? Then we have our climactic showdown, with Michael Sheen going for an all time camp record, and the battle is on. The end of the series deserves a final spectacle, and it delivers an incredibly silly (not least for this franchise's "vampires breaking like porcelain" way around having gore) but utterly awesome (I love the guy who opens up a chasm to the Earth's core!) war scene... which the film then immediately undoes! Yep, it was all some psychic vision thing, which is then followed by having a brand new character arrive (yes, a very major character is introduced about ten minutes before the end credits), give some exposition, and the Volturi give up and bugger off. This is then treated as a happy ending, despite the fact that the main villains haven't had a real comeuppance for all of the terrible things they've done (justice for Bree Tanner!), and are probably just going to snack on some more humans once they get home. Yeah, this is one is an utter mess... but for Michael Sheen, that battle, and the sheer, fucking gall of trying that ending, it's a spectacular mess! In the history of "so bad it's good", I guarantee that this will come up in years to come.
Overview and Final Thoughts
Now there are a lot of things I could specifically riff on, but in the end, a lot of the issues come down to one big issue; the source material. I don't think it's a coincidence that the parts I found most entertaining, like the first's silly tone and the imaginary battle, are the biggest deviations from that source. All of the issues of poor characterisation and such in these films come from the fact that she crammed too many characters into the original books, and because of how much influence over the script and production Stephanie Meyer had, they weren't allowed to be cut out. I get being protective of one's work, but what works on the page (whether it ever worked there is debatable) doesn't always work on screen. Seriously, there are seven members of the Cullen clan in the films, but really you could have had the plot flow fine with just three; Edward, Alice, and Carlisle. Any decent adaptation would have seen that the pointless characters, especially the truckload just there to fill space in the last battle, could have easily been cut out to give everyone else breathing room, and if nothing else cut the budget back for better effects. But no, Meyer wrote it, so it's going on screen, warts and all.
One big ol' ugly wart is the issue of race. The werewoofs all being part of this Native American tribe opens up a whole mess of issues, namely that thing white authors do of having their lore (or at least a mangling of several different people's lores) being true, which in the mind of some might be empowering to these people, but is actually incredibly othering and condescending. What's more, the fact that in this world lycanthropy is a bloodline, but vampirism is easily passed on, makes for a more uncomfortable reading, namely that Bella goes for her more white boyfriend, because by their nature she can be part of his world far more easily than Jacob's, where she'll always be an outsider. Oh, and that imprinting thing means that Jacob becomes effectively a permanent servant to a white girl. Ergh. Now it may sound like I'm stretching a bit with this, but in the books, there's apparently even more racefail. For example, there's a pair of Amazonian vampires that turn up in Breaking Dawn (by which mean they're from the rainforest, not some of Wonder Woman's people... although given how "vampires" and "superheroes" seem interchangeable here...). In the film they are little more than extras, in the book Bella is explicitly freaked out by them, because they look weird and foreign. Oh, and according to Meyer, vampires all get more beautiful when they turn... and their skin turns white. I'm guessing that her Mormon background meant she didn't get to visit many of the people and places she writes about, eh?
But one of the worst things about the writing is Bella's arc. Plain and simple, Bella does nothing, and gets an absolutely perfect ending. She gets to be a vampire, but dodges past the whole drinking blood thing so fast in the film, it makes you wonder why Edward was that bothered by the prospect. She also marries in a family who at one point had more wealth than Scrooge McDuck (no, really!), has a daughter who skips the whole crying baby stage, and becomes perfect in months, has superpowered sex with an entirely devoted boyfriend, and faces down the main villains of the vampire world with no consequences. And she does nothing to earn all of that. I mean, wow. I'm not against characters having happy endings, not will I deny the idea of wish fulfillment roles, but this is ridiculous! As all other characters arrange everything to hand all of this to Bella on a silver platter, she does so little to earn it, with perhaps the exception of that trip to Italy, though that was only to correct a mistake she made. That's rubbish for the sake of drama, no wonder the whole thing feels so empty. That awful ending has the villains getting away, but it's presented as a happy ending purely because Bella is fine, none of her friends got hurt, and they're going to leave her specifically alone. Even the central love triangle just sorts itself out based on everyone putting her on a pedestal and on the love of another wondrous thing she gets given, namely Renesmee. BTW, as I said before, I have read very gendered reviews of Twilight highlighting this, using a feminised term Mary Sue, so I'll point out that I don't let male authors/characters get away with this shit either. I'm thinking about Mikael Blomkvist from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo as I type this, but that's a rant for another time.
In conclusion, I think the main reason for Twilight's success mainly was on account of it being one of the few genre franchise made with a female audience in mind which got such a big marketing push. Such a shame it was one that had some deeply iffy concepts buried in there. There are ideas in here which are fine, but the execution lets them down. Idea; sunlight doesn't burn vampires, but reveals the truth; fine, fun new wrinkle to the lore. Execution; it reveals them by having them sparkle like glitter; poor, especially the number of times in the films they seem to completely forget about it, with them blatantly in sunlight and not glistening. There was enough talent in here to make something worthwhile out of the series as a whole, if only they were allowed to play with the material more. If I had been left with the books for a weekend, with a lot of coffee, pizza, a chainsaw for editing purposes, and at least one Native American person I could share notes with, I could have come up with a much more streamlined film outline, one that wouldn't need over ten hours (TEN HOURS!) of runtime, and left the more harmful ideas firmly in the dust. Still, I can't get to excited about it anymore; this little challenge seems to have been the most many people I know have even thought about it in years, the number of copies of the films and books I've seen in charity shops indicate that not many people look back on this fondly. Even the actors have all happily moved on to pastures new, many doing quite well for themselves. So let's close the book on this whole thing, and I can now get back to my main horror challenge . To play us out, how about a far better thing to use the title of Twilight? Here's an anime music video (from Studio Gainax!) made for 1983's Daicon IV convention, set to Electric Light Orchestra's song Twilight from the album Time (The song kicks in at 1.30), enjoy!
If you've enjoyed this, please give to my October Horror Movie Challenge fundraiser for Crisis. For what I've been through, I deserve every penny in there!
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