Oh. Huh, more next year then. Well, in the meantime, having gone through all of the films released so far, here's my ranking for the series, entry by entry. I'll go favourite to least favourite, as I don't think number 1 is going to be any kind of surprise.
1. Halloween (1978)
As if there's any doubt about this one! It's a classic for good reason, and it still stands head and shoulders above most imitators for very good reasons. This keeps elegantly simple, having the pure logic of an urban legend, it's gorgeously filmed by Dean Cundey, it wisely keeps the focus on suspense rather than gore, and it's John Carpenter at the height of his skills as a director and composer. What's more to say about it, other than if you haven't watched it already, correct that this season, and don't hold all the terrible slasher movies in its wake against it (especially since it would be more accurate to blame Friday the 13th Parts 1 & 2 for that).
2. Halloween (2019)
I'm actually a bit surprised by this one ending up my number two, when I saw this last year I just thought it was OK, but either it's grown on me, or it's the perspective gained from seeing the rest of these. (Hell, after some of these, anything's going to look good!) I like that not only does this one retcon away the other sequels (although there are subtle nods, as if to say "sorry for throwing out the baby with the bathwater"), but it also on a meta level does acknowledge why those needed getting rid of, namely trying to "understand" Myers is a fools' errand. It gets rid of Laurie's family connection introduced in II, and finds a good angle for having a rematch, namely interested parties trying to force another meeting. I find that actually kind of astute and timely, as in real life, there have been some major examples of people trying to force victims and criminals to have some sort forgiveness, not understanding... well anything about the psychology of trauma! It's a good angle to take, and in doing so it actually helps make certain aspects (Michael escaping at that time, and coming to face Laurie again) seem a lot less contrived, without giving Myers any human motivations. All that, and it delivers on the horror goods well, means this not only does this wipe away all the others on a plot level, but on pretty much every level!
2. Halloween (2019)
I'm actually a bit surprised by this one ending up my number two, when I saw this last year I just thought it was OK, but either it's grown on me, or it's the perspective gained from seeing the rest of these. (Hell, after some of these, anything's going to look good!) I like that not only does this one retcon away the other sequels (although there are subtle nods, as if to say "sorry for throwing out the baby with the bathwater"), but it also on a meta level does acknowledge why those needed getting rid of, namely trying to "understand" Myers is a fools' errand. It gets rid of Laurie's family connection introduced in II, and finds a good angle for having a rematch, namely interested parties trying to force another meeting. I find that actually kind of astute and timely, as in real life, there have been some major examples of people trying to force victims and criminals to have some sort forgiveness, not understanding... well anything about the psychology of trauma! It's a good angle to take, and in doing so it actually helps make certain aspects (Michael escaping at that time, and coming to face Laurie again) seem a lot less contrived, without giving Myers any human motivations. All that, and it delivers on the horror goods well, means this not only does this wipe away all the others on a plot level, but on pretty much every level!
3. Halloween III: Season of the Witch
I know, not part of the Michael Myers story, but this little oddity, an attempt to turn this franchise into an anthology series, has gained a strong following over the years with good reason. This is famously from a script by Quatermass scribe Nigel Kneale, and if you know that, you can see his fingerprints all over this tale mixing sci-fi and the supernatural. Also, for a series named after a holiday, this is probably the one that has the most to say about it. Michael Myers' crimes pretty much have happened any night, but the plan of Conal Cochran and Silver Shamrock could only work on that odd mix of traditions that is the modern American Halloween. This one has a great look and atmosphere, a lot of big ideas (some utterly bonkers ones, but that's part of the charm), and a gutsy ending. It's also worth noting that this was the last Halloween movie photographed by Dean Cundey, and I hadn't appreciated how much he added to the feel of the early films, until I saw the effect his departure had. Even though it is a whole different world this story takes place in (since they watch the original Halloween on TV), his camerawork makes this feel like a companion piece to the first two films.
4. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Was this really necessary? No. It was somewhat hampered by having to carry on from part II, most of the original creators have left the series but this point, and it was clearly made as a cash in, but this is actually far from shabby. There are some fairly good set pieces, including one really clever scare scene that seems to actively subvert expectations (if you've seen it, I mean the one with the chair). Donald Pleasence actually gets some of his best dialogue at Loomis in this one, there's a character piece I love with him and a traveller preacher. It has its flaws, including an underwhelming mask for Michael, and the way he's been beefed up to Terminator levels to an absurd degree, but it's an OK bit of slasher fun, good video night fodder. And then there's the ending. I do think that if they had the resisted the urge to do any more sequels, making this was the end of Halloween, or if they had followed up on the implications introduced, this would be extremely well thought of. Didn't pan out like that though.
5. Halloween 6: Producer's Cut
I already had an in-depth discussion of this one, so I'll briefly say that though it had quite an excess of plot, to try and deal with the mess left by the previous sequels, it still manages to be extremely effective, quite a testament to how well made it is. The fact that this wasn't released as was is frustrating, not least for how much that short changed the franchise MVP at that point Donald Pleasence, who despite his age, give it all in here. Plus, the fact that he managed to make all that stuff about the power of runes seem plausible showed that Paul Rudd had some real acting chops right at the start of his career. It's far from perfect, but in this form, it could have dragged the series out of a death spiral. Mind, coming out right before slashers made their nineties comeback did not help it.
6. Halloween H20 Twenty Years Later
Now I used to rate this one fairly highly, mainly for Jamie Lee Curtis, but a couple of things have knocked it down a bit for me. Firstly, realising that apart from the really good opening sequence with fellow original Halloween veteran Nancy Stephens (who's due back in Halloween Kills too), Curtis is the one solid thing about most of the film. Most of the rest of the film is firmly average, apart from OK directing from two time Friday the 13th helmer Steve Miner, with a pretty "eh" storyline overall. Secondly, the 2018 Halloween and how it uses Laurie really puts this one to shame, dealing with a similar take on the character in a far better way. Thirdly, the really stupid retcon way they bring back Michael (who looks really bad in this one, with the worst mask of the franchise) in Resurrection was thought up in the making of this one, which isn't a flaw of this film in itself, but I have to dock it points regardless. Still, it's not bad, just average, which given where this series started from, is still a hell of a come down. Could have been worse though; originally this was going to acknowledge parts 4 - 6, which would have meant Laurie essentially abandoned her daughter Jamie to all that she went though, which really would have wrecked the character!
7. Halloween II (2009)
Actually an improvement on Rob Zombie's first Halloween (I'll get to that in a minute), getting far closer to his intention of getting into the mind of Michael Myers than last time, with some genuinely fresh ideas added in. Of course, some of these ideas are specifically there to give more screentime to his wife Sheri Moon Zombie, but when it gives us something new to look at, I am not complaining. Now it's not exactly a good movie, it doesn't really all come together, it's all a mishmash held back by Zombie's usual excesses, which is what's holding it below average. But it is certainly an experience, it's one of the most unique entries in the franchise, and it does try to bring back a more supernatural, otherworldly element his remake severely missed. Far from a favourite, especially since it's tied to the remake I really didn't like, but I will give credit where it's due. ... Seriously though, why is Weird Al in this one?!?
8. Halloween II (1981)
The original sin of the franchise, where the rot set in. Just for introducing the element of Laurie Strode as Michael's sister, I would mark this one down, as that's something which caused irreparable damage to Michael Myers as a character, ruining the whole concept of him as this unknowable boogeyman. On top of that though, it's a really mean spirited piece of work (that kid with the apple, why was that necessary?), almost designed to wreck the franchise going forward. In fact, that may have been kind of the intention; John Carpenter and Debra Hill were pretty much forced to do this by legal action from producer Irwin Yablans. There are a few saving graces, such as some good Dean Cundy cinematography, and Donald Pleasence still putting the effort in despite the ridiculous dialogue. But in the end, the fact that this exists to cash in on what Friday the 13th got started when it knocked off Halloween should tell you everything about the attitude behind this one. Still, with Lance Guest in a small role, it does give us another connection between this franchise and The Last Starfighter.
9. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
The theatrical version of part 6 takes one of the most atmospheric since John Carpenter left, and messes it up spectacularly, not even properly correcting what flaws it did have. Yes, this one's climax is more visually impressive; it's also a lot more stupid. I'm pretty sure, with the hospital setting, awkward editing, and nonsensical ending, that this one must have been a direct target for Garth Marenghi's Darkplace's parody. The editing and reshoots take a film that has too much plot, and turns it into... a film that has too much plot, none of which ends satisfactorily. It wrecks the atmosphere, the character moments, and perhaps worst of all, Donald Pleasance's final turn as Loomis. So many filmmakers should have taken what happened with this as a warning against ever working for the Weinsteins. The only reason it's this high is that a few parts of the original cut survive intact enough to be of interest.
10. Halloween (2007)
This has classic horror movies playing on TV screens, lots of nods to the original film, and a whole bunch of recognisable faces from other good horror movies. As a result, whenever I watch this and one of the above shows up, I always think "wow, there's something I'd really rather be watching". Trashy, wrong-headed, mean-spirited, and far too pleased with being all of the above; it's a Rob Zombie movie alright! Who looks at a character defined by being a vessel of an unknowable evil, and thinks "I'll make it really dead obvious why he'd grow up to be psychotic, and make the audience sympathetic to him!"?
11. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
When all you can think whilst watching a slasher movie is "Michael Myers, tuck you damn mask in properly", that says all you need to know about how engaging a story it is. Part 4 ended with such potential, but that's all flushed away pointlessly, for wasting time killing off the lead of that film in a tacky, exploitive fashion, replacing her with some of the worst teen characters in one of these so far, and mangling the series lore, despite the fact there wasn't really that much to fuck up. Seriously, why is the Myers house now a Victorian mansion about four times the size of the perfectly ordinary suburban home it was first film? Ye gods, the direction and camerawork are awful, let alone the sorry excuse for a story. And then it had an ending so terrible it kneecapped Halloween 6, since they just threw in a load of out-of-nowhere ideas with no intention on explaining any of them. I genuinely felt queasy watching some of the camera work here, and given that I sat through Faces of Death and the excesses of Rob Zombie this month too, that's saying something.
12. Halloween Resurrection
Laurie Strode is unceremonially killed in the first fifteen minutes, Michael Myers gets defeated by a kung fu using Busta Rhymes, they don't even mention that Dr. Loomis even existed, and they give Katee Sackhoff an awful blonde airhead role. Fuck this movie.
Well, this has been quite a journey! So in the end, I can say that if you only watch the original, the 2018 sequel, Season of the Witch, and no others, that's perfectly fine; 4 and 6's Producers Cut have their moments, but they are far from must sees, and you really don't need to bother with the rest. Next year and in 2021, it will be interesting to see where Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends slot into this ranking, but I can say right now that to get into the lower half of this list, they have to screw up pretty spectacularly. I really hope typing that wasn't tempting fate...
Want to make me feel like this task was worth it? Drop a few pennies into my fundraiser for Crisis, every little helps!
Want to make me feel like this task was worth it? Drop a few pennies into my fundraiser for Crisis, every little helps!
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